Handshake -- the first impression you make on a person when you meet them. Obviously, this is pretty important aspect of meeting someone. But have you ever had a handshake that just made you want to cringe? Yeah. I thought so. So here I am, breaking down handshakes for you.

There are 6 distinct kinds of handshakes. I have personally experienced them all. Hopefully the following breakdown will help you determine what kind of handshake you have, and fix it if it's bad.

1. The Clammy Handshake
The most common kind of discomfiting handshake. You walk up and meet someone, grasp their hand, and immediately feel this: as if you've been outside in pig-stinking summer heat, but the sweat has cooled and you have that peculiar too cold sensation. OR their hand feels like it is covered in slightly tacky interior wall paint, which has now secured itself securely to your hand.

Oh yes, those of you who have been victims understand the acute discomfort that this causes. So for those of you who are the clammy hand owners...I don't even know how to give advice for this one.

2. The Dead Fish Handshake
I think this is possibly the most awkward of all the kinds of handshakes. This is what happens when you shake someone's hand, and you suddenly find yourself holding it. This is because they have not gripped your hand they have placed their hand in yours, and it just lays there while you shake it! Really?? Really? WHY? Why would you let your limp had sit in mine like that? It really does feel like a dead fish is sitting in your hand.

If this is you, please get a grip and actually SHAKE someone's hand!

3. The Death Grip Handshake
This one is pretty self explanatory. You shake the person's hand, and you hear all your joints crack in the bone crushing grip. It takes everything in your power not to fall to you knees because of the ridiculous pain now radiating up your arm.

For those of you inflicting pain on us all, lighten up please!

4. The Creepy Handshake
This one doesn't occur very often, but when it does run away quickly. You can usually tell who these people are, you'll get that tingly 'off' feeling when you look at them. When you shake their hand, it seems normal -- until the release. When you left go their fingers gently stroke down the entire length of your hand and fingers, generally making you shiver with the entire creepy experience.

I think I've said enough on the one. Just don't be creepy.

5. The Cool or 'Man' Handshake
You see this all the time in movies, or in real life if you have friends who like to think they're cool. ;) You could also call this the 'secret' handshake. To guys approach each other and either grip hands and give a guy hug, or launch into a long and inexplicable series of hand signals that no one else will ever be able to interpret. Yeah...you're cool....

6. The Perfect Handshake
This handshake is the paragon of them all. When you approach the prospective hand shaker, they are prepared, confident, and they look you in the eye. The grip is firm and solid, a good medium pressure. The contact is only held long enough to establish a connection, not long enough to become awkward. Golden light should flow out from the union of these handshakes!

If this is you, good job!

Question for the comments: Which self-diagnosed handshake are you?

That's all for now! ttyl.

CV